The Physics of a Four-Year-Old

"When people spin, does it remind this planet we live on that it needs to spin?"

Ow!

This is my baby girl.


She's not so big on the talking thing. She will occasionally parrot words like "mama" and "dada" back to us but she doesn't use them. Lately, though, she has learned a word that she knows how to use. It's "ow!" I'm not really sure what that says about my family but it isn't flattering. How did I discover this word? I hit her in the head with a sock. This wasn't a malicious attack, it's a game we play when she happens to be around while I'm putting my socks on. In the past, when I'd whap her with a sock, she'd laugh at me. She had since learned, however, that the correct response to being hit was to say "ow!"

This leaves me in a bit of a quandary. The general response to a child learning a new word is positive reinforcement. We get them to repeat it over and over to anyone who will listen. We make a video and post it on youtube. I can't imagine, though, that a video of me smacking my baby repeatedly with a sock while she says, "ow!" will get very positive reviews. Even if it is pretty cute.

I guess I'll just have to teach her another word.

Happle Pie

I love me some apple pie. The tart and sweet apples, the flaky crust, the warmth melting a scoop of vanilla ice cream... it's just so happy! I usually express my enthusiasm by lovingly inscribing the pie with a fancy steam vent. The problem with apple pie is that it takes so long to make - at least a couple hours - though I'm not really known for my speed in the kitchen.

I decided one night that I really wanted some apple pie but I didn't want to spend hours making it. The most time consuming part of the pie is the crust but I thought that maybe I could whip up some apple filling really quick in a pyrex dish, slap a quick crust on the top and be done in 15 minutes. It actually took closer to 30 but it was still impressively easy and it was the perfect amount for two people.

And, of course, it has a happy steam vent.



Filling:
(I'm not so good at quantities in my recipes so this is kinda vague. If that means you have to make five or six until you get it just right, remember that there are worse things in life than having five or six apple pies... like horseradish sauce.)

2 medium sized apples peeled, cored, and sliced 1/4" thick (this will look like a lot but it cooks down)
1/8 - 1/4 c sugar
2-3 t flour
a squeeze of lemon juice if you've got it
a dash or two of cinnamon
a smaller dash or two of salt

Mix all that up in the pyrex dish, and let it sit while you make the crust. Mix it up again when you're ready to put the crust on and then dot it with a tablespoon or less of butter cut into small pieces. Cover with the crust.

Crust
(I was more careful with these measurements because crust is easier to mess up and you don't want to mess up the crust.)

Mix together:
1/4 c all purpose flour
1/4 t powdered sugar
dash of salt

Cut in 1 mounded tablespoon of shortening with a pastry blender, stirring up the flour mixture until most of the mixture looks like coarse crumbs with some larger pea sized pieces.

Drizzle 2 teaspoons of ice water over the mixture and cut with the blade of a rubber spatula until the dough is evenly moistened and begins to stick together. There should still be some crumbs that look dry.

Gather the dough up with your hands and put it on one half of a piece of parchment paper. I usually smash it down with my hand and sprinkle some flour over the top to keep it from sticking (too much). Fold the other half of the parchment paper over the top and roll it out until it's the same size as your pyrex dish (I used a round dish ~7" at the mouth). The dough won't roll out in a perfect circle so cut off the bits that stick out and use them like puzzle pieces to fill in the circle. When the dough is the right size, peel off the top layer of paper and use the bottom layer to position it over the apple filling, peel the bottom layer off, cut your steam vent and stick it in a 425 degree oven. After 15 minutes or so, decrease the temperature to 350 degrees and let it bake for 30 more minutes until thick juices are bubbling out of the steam vents and around the edges and the apples feel tender when you poke them with a knife.

Enjoy!

Valentine's Cards

I have a friend who does photography and other artistic sundries. Among his many talents is illustration. We made some Valentine's Day cards.

Card the first:

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Card the second:

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The King of Strange Injuries

I am profoundly skilled at injuring myself in strange ways. There is a running joke in my family that I will always injure myself playing football on Thanksgiving, leaving my wife to do all the cooking work. In an attempt to end that curse a few years ago, I didn't make any plans to play football. Instead, I managed to stab a sliver of metal from my belt buckle through my thumb nail. The end then broke off leaving it complete unremovable. I still have no idea how that happened but it left my thumb sore for the next month.

In the sprirt of that freak occurence, I jammed my pinkie two nights ago. I jammed it against my own leg while I was trying to catch a falling bunch of asparagus.

I deserve an award or something. Or maybe my wife does.

They Pay You For That!?

I am an electrical engineer. We come in many different flavors but my particular specialty is electronic circuit design. Lately, at work, I have been designing a new circuit and have been working on the schematics. At dinner last night, I was telling my wife that I have a review coming up next week and I was a little frustrated that at work that day, a change had been made to the requirements meaning that I had to update the schematics.

My six year old daughter looked at me and asked, "What's a meschatic?"

I explained, "A schematic is a drawing of an electrical circuit. It tells people how to make it so that electricity goes the way we want and does what we want it to do."

I pointed at the light above us. "This light is an electric circuit. So is the computer. Some circuits are simple like this light and some are complex like the computer. I make complex ones that go in missiles."

She looked at me with wonder in her eyes. "You draw all day at work!?"

Yes. Yes I do.

This One's For You, Mrawmins

Found in a candy shop at the end of pier 39 in San Francisco. Let the gathering of Israel commence... in my belly.

Fire Baby

I was burning up some old tree trimmings in the backyard when I looked up and saw this.

I don't think she brought a hot dog on purpose but I still think it's funny.

What Nerds Do Without Trucks

A friend of mine needed help moving rocks this morning so I went over to help.

Yes, that's a wheelbarrow.

Yes, it's on top of a bike trailer; I collapsed it.

It may be hard to see but those are bungee cords holding it in place - we're big on safety around here.

A lot of cars honked at me on my way over. They must have thought it was a really good idea too.

Emissions Exemption

I live in one of those rare but wonderful parts of the country that are exempt from emissions testing for car registrations (assuming you don't drive into the metro area north of here for school or work). We also don't have safety inspections. I'm not sure if all states do this now or not but we have online registration renewals too. This means that the yearly hassle of driving around at the end of the month to get the registration renewed isn't really an issue for us. We just go to the DMV website, type in our information, give them a credit card number, and they send us a new sticker in the mail. Easy as pie. In theory.

You see, the northern tip of the zip code I live in is not exempt from emissions testing. And the criteria the DMV website uses to determine your requirement status? Zip code, of course. When I called the DMV to clear this up (silly me thinking it could be done over the phone) I was told that all I had to do was go in to a DMV office, fill out an emissions exemption form, bring in photocopies of my current registration, a utility bill, and my most recent property tax valuation, a pound of flesh, a lock of hair from my first born child and $9 to process the paperwork.

Now, as a general rule, I try to be as polite and friendly as possible over the phone. I know that the level one operators have absolutely no power. They don't make the rules, they can't change the rules, and getting upset with them will get you nowhere. They deal with cranky people all day and the best way to get anywhere with them is to be nice. So, as nicely as I could, I tried to explain that I was sure that this couldn't be the solution to my problem. Surely all somebody really needed to do was look at the address I had on record (You know, the one you use to send me my registration renewal form? The one you used to figure out what zip code I live in?) and use the handy map (also on the website) to figure out that I quite clearly live outside the emissions control zone.

That cheek earned me 30 minutes on hold waiting for a level 2 operator. Honestly, in 30 minutes, they could have given my level 1 operator level 2 operator training and I wouldn't have had to listen to the bad music and the interruptions every 30 seconds telling me that my call is important. All to no avail. DMV policy is that those who live in a partially covered zip code automatically get the requirement on their registration until they submit an emissions exemption form which becomes a permanent part of their registration.

I just want to point out that this is why average people hate the government. It's annoying to see lawmakers bickering on capitol hill but we forget that pretty quickly (which is why we keep electing them). It's the little but constant irritations stemming from government bureaucracies and inefficiencies that really drive the angst. To start with, the DMV has my address on file. There is no reason for them to be in doubt about where I live. The DMV also has a fairly high fidelity map on their website so that visitors can see if they live in or out of the control zone. Why they can't use these tools at their disposal to determine actual emissions requirement status is beyond my ability to comprehend. Secondly, why on earth do I need to bring a copy of my current registration to the DMV to process an emissions exemption form? Isn't that the one thing they should have? My most recent property tax valuation and a recent utility bill? Really? I think we've already established that my address is no mystery. And even if I were to accept that they need to make absolutely sure I wasn't lying about my address, why is it that they'll just take my word on the fact that I don't drive the vehicle into the metro area to the north for school or work?

The entire process strains credulity and makes my blood boil. But it's possible that it is still preferable to actually getting the emissions tested.

Sushi!

My wife doesn't like sushi. It's a shame since it means I don't get to eat it very often but at least it means I don't have to share. I decided a while back that I wanted some but I was stymied by not being able to find a rolling mat at the grocery store. The sushi hater finally said, "Why don't you just order one off of Amazon?" Genius. Apparently, they sell nori sheets too.

I like all kinds of sushi but when it comes down to it, it's hard to beat a good California roll.

Only one of my children was brave enough to try a bite and she quickly decided it wasn't for her. My wife, to her credit did eat one, if only to verify that yep, she doesn't like sushi.

But, then again, who would be sad about leftover sushi?

Luckily, I planned for nobody else wanting to eat any and got some pizza too.

Pizza and sushi: not a bad combination, really.

Gyoza Fried Rice

I made gyoza last weekend. It was a happy day. Midway through eating, my stomach started to hurt. So I kept eating until it went away. I made 52 gyoza and froze half so that I could have another happy day sometime in the future. There was, however, one dark cloud in my otherwise perfect gyoza filled day: I ran out of wrappers before the filling was used up. My eyes teared up at the gyoza that would never be made. Never would the filling be warmly nestled in a wrapper, never would it be lovingly caressed by the hot oil that would give it a perfect brown crust. The weight of this culinary crime was almost too much to bear until the dark cloud broke, revealing the silver lining: I could save the filling and use it to make fried rice.

Gyoza Fried Rice:

I had about a cup of leftover filling but any amount will work - fried rice is good like that.

Heat a generous amount of vegetable oil in a frying pan/wok. Don't be shy with the oil since you need enough to fry the rice in as well. Toss in a carrot, half a medium onion, and a few garlic cloves, all finely chopped. When the onions start to brown, add the gyoza filling and break it up into small pieces as it cooks. When the filling is cooked through, I put in a quarter of a chopped head of cabbage. (I had it left over from when I made the gyoza and I though it would add some nice color and texture) Let the cabbage start to wilt and then dump in 4 cups of cooked rice (2 cups uncooked). I seasoned mine with soy sauce, rice vinegar, and ginger (get it, just like gyoza). Let the rice fry, turning occasionally until a crust starts to form on the bottom. Serve immediately and reminisce about the wonderful gyoza of days gone by.

Fathers and Sons Campout

The first time I went to a fathers and sons campout my son was only 10 months old, so I took my daughter instead. The next time, I took my son but he threw up on the way. This time, I put Return of the Jedi in the DVD player to distract fom the windy road and we arrived sans barf; it was the best fathers and sons campout yet and we hadn't even set up the tent yet.

We camped at Camp Zion on Mt. Lemmon. It's got nice facilities, including pallets for tents, a mess hall, an amphitheatre and outhouses with toilet paper! The city of Tucson is right behind me in the above picture. The city lights were pretty amazing when we came back to our tent after the program.

Chubs was excited to sleep in his new Darth Vader sleeping bag. I was excited to sleep on an air matress.

The next morning, there were 15 carnival games set up for the boys. There was a ring toss, lawn darts, steer lassoing, a cross betweeen a battering ram and bowling, paper airplanes, a jumping castle, and several others.

Of course, walking around on a montain can be treacherous. The paved paths help but little boys aren't very good at staying on paths.

This is the sad face after tripping over some rocks.

The overwhelming favorite activity was the rockets. We made tubes of construction paper, taped a soda bottle cap on top, and added some fins for stability.

The launcher was a PVC frame with a tube coming off one end with a two liter bottle attached. Place the rocket on the pipe sticking up and stomp on the bottle.

It probably would have been one of the best fathers and sons campouts even if chubs had puked on the way up.

I'd Never Thought of it Quite Like That...

From my three-year-old-son at the dinner table: "My water flushed the bread into my tummy just like the water in the toilet flushes the pee and poo into its tummy. Because toilets eat pee and poo."

I Know My Son Loves Me Because...

"We could put daddy in jail for the rest of his life. That would be stupendous!"

A Long Time Ago In A Family Room Far Far Away...

My kids love watching Star Wars.

My kids love having lightsaber fights while watching Star Wars.

My kids fight over who gets to be Darth Vader. (Usually whoever has the red lightsaber)

They had a laser gun fight in the backyard yesterday.

It warms my nerd heart.

Fear the Pi

In honor of pi day, I should probably stop wasting time designing t-shirts.

Happy Pi Day

Pie Steam Vents

I like to make pie but I don't like to make regular steam vents.



I was looking back over some of the steam vents that I've cut over the years.

I think they're getting more elaborate.

being a baby sucks

I'm sure it makes me a horrible person but this face made me laugh.

And it inspired this design:

I think this would be totally awesome printed on a onesie

Yup, I like it.

Irony in Advertising

I just got an email from American Express advertising American Express Gift Cards.


The ad was titled, "Be more original this year" and led with the line, "Gift giving just got a little more thoughtful."


And all this time I thought I was copping out with the gift card...