Signs *Would* Be Nice

200,000 miles

198,436 miles
Holy cow! Can you believe the car has almost 200,000 miles on it!? I mean, who actually gets 200,000 miles on their car!? That'll be pretty cool, hitting 200k, kinda like joining an elite club.

198,849 miles
Hmm, 200,000 miles is a pretty big deal. I should probably get the oil changed or something; it's been a while since I did that. Was that a whole year and a half ago? Wow, I should really get that done.

199,281 miles
Good call on opting for the fuel injection system cleaning with the oil change. The old girl's got a bit more spring in her step. Almost 200,000 miles and still going strong at 34mpg.

199,772 miles
I should totally write a blog post about my car hitting the 200,000 mile mark! That's super nerdy! I'll have to remember to bring the camera so I can get a pitcure of the rollover. Ooh, maybe I'll take a video... nah, that's lame.

199,915 miles
It's getting so close! Don't forget the camera, don't forget the camera, don't forget the camera!

199,991 miles
Aw crap, I forgot the camera! Maybe I can make it home before it hits 200,000.

199,997 miles
Dangit, I don't think I'm going to make it. 200,000 miles, though! How cool is that!?

199,999 miles
Woah! The last mile before the big one! Man, I love the way that looks on the odometer. Wait for it... wait for it... here it comes...!

200,000 miles
Holy crap! Did you see the way all the numbers rolled up at the same time? That was awesome! I mean, that only happens every 100,000 miles! I feel like I should do something special, like get the car a present or something. I'm all awash with the awe of this incredible milestone!

200,001 miles
Huh... that number doesn't look quite as cool. I mean it's big and all, but it just doesn't carry the same excitement.

200,004 miles
Wow, that was actually not nearly as cool as it seemed like it should have been. I'm feeling a little let down. For heaven's sake, isn't something exciting supposed to happen when your car turns 200,000?

200,056 miles
You know, this car has a lot of miles on it. Makes you feel a little insecure doesn't it? Maybe we should look at buying a new one.

Non-Routine Maintenance

On Friday, I got the car titled and registered. I'd peeked at the air filter during previous trips under the hood and knew that it was disgusting, so we picked up a new one. There are seed shells and poo nuggets all over the engine compartment, so I knew that at some point a mouse had been living in there. It wasn't until I lifted up the old filter and saw the filter box looking back at me, though, that I realized the mouse had never moved out. Luckily, I know what to do with unwelcome tenants.

Barbequed Dinner

As you might imagine, given my claims to nerdhood, I don't always excel at things generally described as manly. I am pretty good at Halo, I do have a fantasy baseball team, and I have recently completed car repairs using JB Weld and duct tape. However, I like Jane Austen, I'm not very good at most sports (I think the fact that I do have some natural talent for gymnastics works against me here), I have picked matching fabric combinations for my wife's sewing projects, and I know the proper use of a semi-colon. Suffice it to say that when I do something particularly manly, like dirt biking or paintball, I like to make a big deal out of it to reassure any onlookers that my Y chromosome is not only alive and kicking but hairy and sweaty too.

A few weeks ago, barbecued chicken sounded really good for dinner. Since I was going to be out over the grill anyway, I figured I might as well cook the whole dinner there. I decided to boost the testosterone level of garlic bread by toasting the bread over the coals. I made up for the olive oil and rosemary (what a pansy sounding spice) on the vegetables by wrapping them in foil and throwing them over the fire too.

Surprisingly, I didn't burn anything, although it probably would have been more manly if I had. Everything tasted really good so, unfortunately, nobody got any extra hair on his chest.

I was particularly proud of my bread. It got a nice smoked flavor from the mesquite branches I put on the fire. So so good.

So, in summary: +15 Chuck Norris points for making my whole meal over the fire. -3 points for using rosemary.

Better'n Baling Wire!

I have a new car! It's a '92 Nissan NX-1600. It's got 182,000 miles on it. Until last week it didn't run and until yesterday, it had a constant 5 Amp parasitic load on the battery. But it's a sexy red color and has a stick shift. Sure, 5th gear doesn't work and it's possible that there's a mouse living in the air filter box. But it's mine...and did I mention the stick shift?

Turns out it was remarkably easy to fix. There is a super powered stereo amplifier in the trunk that appeared to be taxing the battery. Once I disconnected that and replaced the battery, the car started just fine. The parasitic current load was a little harder. I wondered if the amp had damaged the alternator as well so my friend Nick came over yesterday to help me take that out. After a run to Checkers to have it tested (it worked fine) we put it back in. In the process, we were admiring the wear on the power line from the alternator to the battery. Nick wondered aloud if that might be the source of the drain. I wrapped the wire up with electrical tape, re-attached it and voila, the drain was gone.

The previous weekend, after I'd gotten the new battery and started the car up the first time, I noticed that the idle speed was so low that the car would stall if I didn't keep revving it. I also noticed a black plastic reservoir with a charred hole in it coming off the air filter box. (This is probably a good point to mention during the tenure of the car's previous owner, there had been a fire in the engine compartment. It had something to do with forgetting to put the oil cap back on) Since I had no idea what the purpose of the black reservoir was, I didn't know if I should be concerned or not. Nick was fortunately experienced enough to know that the reservoir was important for air flow in the engine and that a big hole would cause a.) dirty air to enter the engine and b.) reduced air flow into the engine causing idling problems.

In true McGyver fashion, we fixed the hole with a combination of JB Weld, an old Tupperware container, and duct tape. Since the hole was on the corner of the reservoir, we cut out a matching piece from the Tupperware and glued it with the JB Weld. The duct tape was because we were too impatient to wait for the JB Weld to cure. Here is the finished product in all her jury rigged glory:
And now? Yep, the car runs fine. The battery charges with the engine running. The AC works better than on our Saturn. We took it for a test drive and nothing broke. I checked the battery voltage this morning and it's still ok. Now I just have to get the thing licensed and insured and we will officially be a two car family. I feel so American!

To-Do List

I have a to-do list. I've had one for the past two years, so I've gotten really good at putting things off. That's worked really well until I started having a deadline. I've also figured out why they call them deadlines: your wife will kill you if you don't finish the backyard before your family comes into town for Thanksgiving. Incidentally, that is part of the reason you've been reading about George on this blog for the past month: blogging wasn't on the to-do list. Here is what was on the list last weekend.


This is supposed to be in the bottom of my oven. It's also supposed to heat up when the oven is turned on. Unfortunately, it fails on both counts.


Here is the new one. My wife and I are back on speaking terms. (Note the clean oven; she thought it was a nice touch too)


Here are three of the fruit trees now beautifying my backyard. I actually put them in three weeks ago, but pretend that I was actually that productive last weekend. See the path wending its way around the yard in the background? We'll come to that later.


I also hung this mirror up. It may not be much, but that's one more thing to cross off the list.


And now, the path. Looks pretty good so far, no? See how all the stones fit together like a jigsaw puzzle? Try doing a jigsaw puzzle where the pieces weigh 30 lbs each and you're not actually sure that they all go to the same picture. (read, it's not as easy as it looks) Props here to my wife, who is actually very good at fitting rocks together. The manly thing would have been to insist that I could do it all myself; truth is, I appreciated the help.


What happens when you run out of pieces for your puzzle? You go buy more! Thanks for letting me borrow the truck, Nick.


And finally, it is finished. Here we make a gentle turn around the orange tree.


Ok, I said the path was done. I didn't say I'd cleaned up yet.

Mouse Moves House

Meet George. A few weeks ago, I left the garage door open for an extended period of time. George decided to move in and make a home among the bikes and pool toys.

As you can see, George isn't too big on cleanliness. He leaves his food scraps and poop all over the floor.

This is me, George's landlord. I got a bit tired of the mess and decided that George really needed to move out and find his own place.

So George and I went for a bike ride. I enjoyed it. Riding in a glass jar in my pocket on a leg constantly moving up and down probably made the journey less fun for George, but he was a real trooper - no poop or pee anywhere in the jar. We found a nice spot in a grove of pecan trees next to a puddle of water - everything the little guy could want and very far from my garage.

Here he is, waiting for his heart rate to go down after being let go. Look at those yummy pecans on the ground for him to eat.

Farewell, George. We wish you a long and happy life - albeit, one shortened by the terror of being trapped in a glass jar and jostled in the pocket of a bike rider.

Moral of the story: Pooping all over the place and leaving food scraps on the floor is a very bad idea, especially if you aren't going to pay rent. Wait a minute, that sounds like my kids...