Emissions Exemption

I live in one of those rare but wonderful parts of the country that are exempt from emissions testing for car registrations (assuming you don't drive into the metro area north of here for school or work). We also don't have safety inspections. I'm not sure if all states do this now or not but we have online registration renewals too. This means that the yearly hassle of driving around at the end of the month to get the registration renewed isn't really an issue for us. We just go to the DMV website, type in our information, give them a credit card number, and they send us a new sticker in the mail. Easy as pie. In theory.

You see, the northern tip of the zip code I live in is not exempt from emissions testing. And the criteria the DMV website uses to determine your requirement status? Zip code, of course. When I called the DMV to clear this up (silly me thinking it could be done over the phone) I was told that all I had to do was go in to a DMV office, fill out an emissions exemption form, bring in photocopies of my current registration, a utility bill, and my most recent property tax valuation, a pound of flesh, a lock of hair from my first born child and $9 to process the paperwork.

Now, as a general rule, I try to be as polite and friendly as possible over the phone. I know that the level one operators have absolutely no power. They don't make the rules, they can't change the rules, and getting upset with them will get you nowhere. They deal with cranky people all day and the best way to get anywhere with them is to be nice. So, as nicely as I could, I tried to explain that I was sure that this couldn't be the solution to my problem. Surely all somebody really needed to do was look at the address I had on record (You know, the one you use to send me my registration renewal form? The one you used to figure out what zip code I live in?) and use the handy map (also on the website) to figure out that I quite clearly live outside the emissions control zone.

That cheek earned me 30 minutes on hold waiting for a level 2 operator. Honestly, in 30 minutes, they could have given my level 1 operator level 2 operator training and I wouldn't have had to listen to the bad music and the interruptions every 30 seconds telling me that my call is important. All to no avail. DMV policy is that those who live in a partially covered zip code automatically get the requirement on their registration until they submit an emissions exemption form which becomes a permanent part of their registration.

I just want to point out that this is why average people hate the government. It's annoying to see lawmakers bickering on capitol hill but we forget that pretty quickly (which is why we keep electing them). It's the little but constant irritations stemming from government bureaucracies and inefficiencies that really drive the angst. To start with, the DMV has my address on file. There is no reason for them to be in doubt about where I live. The DMV also has a fairly high fidelity map on their website so that visitors can see if they live in or out of the control zone. Why they can't use these tools at their disposal to determine actual emissions requirement status is beyond my ability to comprehend. Secondly, why on earth do I need to bring a copy of my current registration to the DMV to process an emissions exemption form? Isn't that the one thing they should have? My most recent property tax valuation and a recent utility bill? Really? I think we've already established that my address is no mystery. And even if I were to accept that they need to make absolutely sure I wasn't lying about my address, why is it that they'll just take my word on the fact that I don't drive the vehicle into the metro area to the north for school or work?

The entire process strains credulity and makes my blood boil. But it's possible that it is still preferable to actually getting the emissions tested.